am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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