Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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