okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
