I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
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You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
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A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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