Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize