Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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