got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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