Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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