How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
