I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
