bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize