Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
