He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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