i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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