Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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