She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You made out with two different species that night
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
