What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get the cat blown out
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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