he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
