T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize