she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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