I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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