I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Are my feet made of real feet?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize