My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize