On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
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I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
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We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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