I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize