i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
should my penis look like a turkey
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
