We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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