k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you win again, gameday.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
