I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
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She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
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I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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