i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
