people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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