im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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