They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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