When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
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This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
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Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?