There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
