So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
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Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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