dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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