My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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