If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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