I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
