Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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