I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
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At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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