FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
