I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
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He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
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I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday