found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
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you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.