my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now