What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.