My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.