Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
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my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
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We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.