I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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