My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
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sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
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i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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