I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
