So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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