So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
