I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
